-Making a Decision-

Mmm. Okay, just got back from eating Korean BBQ with Kevin and company because tis the young boy finally turned 18! [*Applause*] Since we've all been waiting~ HAH. It was good, but didn't get enough since there was so many of us and that place was so far and so expensive. ): God, I really suck at saving money when it comes to food. Food to me is like having a child, and as Zylstra states: When you have kids your paycheck savings tends to dwindle at first then just drops like an atom bomb. That's me with food. D: Quite pathetic I must say.

As the days dwindle down towards graduation, the pressure on making a college decision is inevitable to avoid, and that scares me. ): The compilation of dread starts to build up in my chest as I try not to think about it. Days are suppose to be happy and stuff, what with all the congrats and with spring coming forward. I know I should be, but upon hearing all the things that all my friends are facing, the fear still creeps up behind me and wraps his spidery fingers around me. Relationships, friendships, distance, family, independence. It all comes in a package. I'm wishing that I don't have to face it any time soon, but it seems that's not possible, I've got to make a choice now or never. My mind is still disoriented and hazy...

[Will update BBQ pictures laterrrr~]

-Dance Away-

Just got back from dance practice. My legs are sore like hell x_x, but it's crazy fun though! I sweat like a maniac and still get to be with the people for the last rally dance. We'll make it rock, we'll party them like a rock star~ :D I suppose it's not that bad since I'm getting out more nowadays and getting some sun rather than letting myself rot in front of my computer. Which reminds me, I was reading xXxHolic and there was this chapter about this girl that can't seem to get off the computer and it's ruining her life. I just suddenly picturing my myself as that woman and god I just turned the computer in a hurry and ran out the door. It was horrifying how addicted she was.

Mmm. Procrastinating and drinking a cup of yogurt thing, very tasty. I think I'm going to go do my English homework now. I'm in the homework doing mood. I'm going to find a dancing class when I'm in college, I forgot how fun it was. I guess when conditioning came into my former dance teacher's curriculum- I opted out. I hate conditioning. Very traumatizing moments in my life.

Always did like them Jabbawockeez (Kaba Modern's not bad either) and that other dance crew: Unmasked- Same style in the clothes department and stuff but one's from school and the other's a pro dance crew, you know? :)

-Please-

I'm kind of sad. I guess it's because I don't like disappointing people; that makes it hard to be all cheerio and stuff. I wish I was a cheery person, but it's hard to smile sometimes. T_T I'm not trying to be depressing, but it's really a big disappointment when all the colleges you've applied rejected you. I mean I don't really care, but it's a big deal for parents right? I really fucked up. That year I could've been great, but I made mistakes that I'm very regretful of and now I'm paying the price for it. I keep telling myself that it was an all right experience, that it wasn't something I was going to regret over time. I thought I was just going to grow old and laugh about it later on, but it pisses me off that I was so stupid.

I should've said no, I shouldn't have looked him in the eyes the first day of school, I should've just walked away, but I couldn't, just because I thought I could save him. Only in the end, I ended up being dragged into the depths of hell with him. I hate myself for being an idiot. I really wanted to go to a great school for my parents, a school where I can be free yet save some money for the family, but now look at me. I want to rip my own hair out for my own idiocy.

4 options with one still pending... Please to the God that I hate so much, please let it be a miracle.

-Written in Ink-

Just came out of the shower, had decided I was going to do homework, but a strange idea came over me for a new panel for a new manga series. I had to draw it down so I spent the alst two hours drawing the scene down in a small thumbnail format, went back online to look for reference but only ended up rereading B.O.D.Y. (<--- was using that story as reference). Excellent story I must say,but too bad it never updates. As for my weekend, I was only able to finish one period worth of homework... I didn't get stats so I was pushing it back and now look it's 10 pm and I still haven't started. Fuck my life! It's going to take a while since it's a lab and a homework sheet, to say the least, I had four days to do it -_-. I really hate myself sometimes.

Spent the majority of sunday reading 'That's not what I mean , Darling!' or something like that... I thought it was that title, but now as I type it out, I don't remember it being so long. >.> I wish blogger had emotioncons. LAWLS like gaia. ;) then I can be all facial expression-ish. I like making faces... T_T

-Admissions and More-

Working on the second collection to the 'Alice in Wonderland' cards, almost done. Hooray! College admissions came out and well it's got people down in the dumps. Yes. I've been rejected to all the UC schools that I've applied to so far. I had mentally prepared myself for it in the beginning so it wouldn't make me all depressed and stuff. Well it seems that it still jabbed at my pride a little when I read those first couple of words in that letter T_T. Guess I'm not as neutral as I want to be. It's not a total bad thing, now is it? As for this year coming by, there's only about 50 days before graduation and it's safe to say that I've made up my mind. I'm allowing myself to let go, (I had this emotional attachment to my friends here in DB, but I couldn't bring myself to tell my GLC that that was the reason why I chose not to go that far -_-). I think I might as well just end up at Stockton, though that school is seriously too suburban for me! Makes me want to pull out my hair whenever I think about it. D: Roar. Enough about school... Makes me all frustrated every time it pops into my head. ):

Mmmm. Gotten really lazy lated... I think my senioritis is kicking into full drive, though I'm still planning to study and get better grades for the second semester. Haven't gone out since mother still has to get the car fixed, she finally called AAA to tow the broken down car to get it fixed. I hope it's soon because I want to drive out by the time grad night comes.

I just noticed something. When I take a shower I tend to evaluate what I've done so far in my life and I usually get these little epiphanies when I finish taking one. I had one yesterday, but I can't remember what it was... I should really write these down. ): I think that way at least I know something more about what I've come to realize and they're usually not that bad of epiphanies. Oh my, I remembered what the epiphany from last night was! I don't think I'm going to write it down for this one, everyone should know it by now. Hopefully that is. Well, that's it for now, ciao~!

Things I want to do: Drink a cold glass of milk after a steaming hot shower.

-A Day in Wonderment-

Mmm, so I'm jotting down a few things before I go to sleep. (Guess I'm not finishing that Alice in Wonderland card I was working on for 5 hours... T_T the internet can be such a distraction. Boo) So I tried the story style for a while and well, surely, as anyone who knows me... I just bored and it takes too long. Much more fun when you can just type up anything you want rather than writing down the whole day in story format.. At the moment I just don't have that kind of time... What with my procrastination and stuff (yes, I still do have English and stats... [*cry*]).

So I was at the museum earlier this week and I saw this man. He patrols one of the lobbies that we were in at the moment, (you know those people that make sure your 'naturally oily' hands don't touch the paintings and makes sure you don't get within three feet of the piece of art work). I see him standing there and I'm just staring at him, thinking to myself, "I wonder if he gets tired and tries to lean against the wall?" because I know that leaning against the wall is prohibited. I started to bend my legs because they were starting to ache from standing there all day and listening to the docent talk about St. Francisco or Fransesca or whatever his name was in that one painting called: Madonna Enthroned around St. Matthew. The next second the man yawns and starts to bend his legs in a mocking gesture like mine. It was a weird moment, I knew he wanted to lean against the wall, he just never did. ): What a disappointment.

I found out I had an orange color personality... I've listed them on the bottom of my blog, we can see what my weaknesses are. ;) Well that's all for now. Ciao, my loves! <3