To the Girl Who's Drowning

A comment wasn't enough because I had to tell you more.

You are gorgeous. I wish you can see that about yourself. I wish you can see the potential that I see in you. But you don't. Instead you take each and every part of yourself and rip it to pieces until it seems like nothing is worth living for. Not even your own self-worth when that really is all that matters. All I ever wanted to say was have a little self-confidence, bring those lips to a genuine smile and for once be happy for yourself. Not for him, not for them, not for anyone else, but yourself. The chance at life should be enough to give you a reason to breath.

Bad things happen, we get hurt, you got hurt. I may not know what it is nor would I probably understand the true depth of the pain you feel, but you've let it eat you alive already. Is that the legacy you want to leave behind? Knowing that you've lost before you've even put up a fight? As you've said, "put up a fucking fight". I know you're better than that. You are better than that, don't let your bad past define who you are in the future, don't let it destroy your happiness because I can see it festering inside your heart, the sleepless nights and the way you curl yourself away from the world-- unmoving and vulnerable. I can only reach my hand to you so far and say that I can relate, it's a terrible place to be-- in that endless void of a hole where it seems like time is endless and day and night begin to sound and look the same... But at some point you're going to have to crawl out of that misery and start rebuilding that broken heart of yours.

To love a person means also learning to compromise, to love is to be vulnerable. It also means you're going to get hurt. A lot. A little. Different circumstances. Love is a gamble and a risk. Just because you gave them your whole world doesn't mean they're going to return that favor to you. You give them 200% and they can still take your heart wring it ever so slowly until it breaks to a million pieces then proceed to dump it a boiling pot of salt water. It's a harsh reality. But we take that leap anyways because for that brief moment of happy bliss, we are satisfied. But if and when it stops, you get your heart broken, you cry, you're going to get angry, but after move on. Things aren't going to get any better if you stay locked up forever in your room. If you want to change something, you're going to have to actually get off your ass and make it happen.

He never stopped loving you, he wanted it to work. The way he told us when he came to us, broken, dejected, and just plain exhausted, he said "I really thought she was the one," He just couldn't physically do it anymore. Coming back from work only to stay up with you every night because you couldn't sleep. He'll manage two-three hours of sleep before going back to a 8-10 work day. It was wearing him down, couldn't you see he was falling apart? In the process of keeping his promise to take care of you, his own health was put into compromise. He's sacrificed so much to be with you and yet you say he never loved or cherished you is a lie. Relationships is a two way street, you take care of each other, not just one person forever protecting the other.

You said that if a person truly loved someone, they'll let them go is total bullshit. It isn't entirely bull, you can't stop yourself from moving forward just for love or else you're going to be stuck. It may be a happy moment you want to keep forever, but it'll only suffocate and wither just like a flower if you feed it too much water. It'll drown. You have to give it space to grow and be better. He had a life to live. He had a career he wanted to think about, a future, especially a future with you in it. But you didn't want to let go of the beginning moments when everything was still new and thrilling. You were essentially stuck afraid to move on with him. He let you go because you needed to learn how to stand on your own two feet without relying on him. He felt like you were denigrating by being with him, you were becoming heavily dependent on him that you forgot to be independent. On your own. He just wanted you to be strong, yet you weren't letting yourself...

You gotta learn to let go... Live and be happy.

New Paleo Things

I've been trying a few things the past few months to try and tone up and lose weight at the same time, but after two months of trying, I wasn't seeing the results that I had wanted. A good friend of mine actually suggested changing my diet, because a big part of losing weight is about what you put in your body. I considered it and the thought of change terrified me. I love my food, especially carbs. But nothing was going to change if I didn't take the first step and so my journey into the Paleo World began. In short, a paleo diet basically mean a caveman diet that consists of mostly just meat and vegetables, no carbs, grain, and dairy. Supposedly everything should be organic as well, but in this day and age living off a college budget, it's hard. I still try and buy organic when I can though.

The first few days were harder than most as I tried adjusting what I ate and cooking took twice as long as now my boyfriend had to cook two different meals rather than one. Yet once the ball started rolling it did get easier. Yes, I said it, it does get easier. I could feel my body getting accustomed to the greens and protein and whenever we had those terribly nice cheat days, greasy food (even simple things like bread) just made me bloated and nauseous. It made me think that I never wanted to eat them again. Working out were the worse right after cheat days which then I've concluded, it's much better off not having them. The occasional (in small moderation) I think would be much better than stuffing your face on cheat days.

As I move along this new path that I'm taking with my health and diet, I thought I'd share a few dishes that I've been trying and that maybe you guys out there might want to try it out yourself. :)

Day One consisted of a Grilled Chicken with Mixed Fruits. We just added a simple shake of black pepper to each side and slapped it onto the grill. I picked out an apple and a few nectarines, chopped it up and used that as a side.  It's amazing how filling it is! ^__^

Happy Eating!
♥, Kitty

... Chicken Dinner

It's the start of a new year and yes, I haven't posted in a long while in between almost having three jobs and paying off bills whilst still in school, and trying to balance a social life: life gets hectic. Although from time to time I take a deep breath, take a step back and just relax. Well, it's close to midterms week and I thought I'd find a recipe that was full in nutrients and protein that will fuel my body to study this weekend. I decided to go with the one I used at my friend's housewarming party: a Lemon Chicken Mushroom Alfredo Pasta. Last time we used rotini and this time we decided to go with penne.

We started off going to Vons to get some chicken, being on a very tight budget, I'm always looking for the right bargain. Since chicken breast wasn't on sale, I opted for a large packet of chicken thighs for $5.31 (about 8-9 pieces), button mushrooms, and lemon. We also went with Classico's Creamy Alfredo  for the sauce. David cut the bone out of the thighs (we used about a piece each) and while he did that I sliced up the mushrooms and lemon that will be tossed in a wok to be stir fried.

These are the seasonings that we used to rub through the chicken. After we gutted out the bones, we put in some ground black pepper on both sides with some pink salt, and a few shake of parsley. Then we added Lawry's seasoning salt. Before putting the pieces onto the grill, take the lemons and squeeze out the juice over the chicken, let it sit for about 2-3 minutes. Once the chicken is cooking, stir-fry the mushrooms until brown, it's okay to use a box for two as once they cook they will dramatically shrink in size. After, we added in the sauce and let it simmer before taking it off the stove. Don't forget to set a pot aside with boiling water for your pasta. Boil your pasta to al dente as you will be cooking it twice with the sauce so that it'll be soft by the time you serve it.

Grill the chicken until it's golden brown, make a little slice if you want to to double check if it's cooked thoroughly. Take it off the grill and plate it. Next, we took the pasta, strained it and mixed it with the alfredo sauce in the wok turned the fire to medium and stirred it. After plating we added a dash of parsley on top of the penne as garnish for that finished look. :) Hope everyone that drops by or sees this, tries this home- it's super simple to make and a lot of fun! Until next time~!

Ciao!
Kitty~