A Letter Home

I had a discussion on the topic of 'friends' while on my way back from the beach yesterday with a good friend of mine, and while she was sleeping I did a little thinking. Why is it that I do not really like the idea of seeing my high school friends again? A lot of people even off to college learn to make time for high school friends when they come back home. For me, it's like the opposite, I wouldn't even try. I don't know what it is... It's not like I don't like them or anything, but I feel like it's time to see new things. Perhaps it was the tension that always seems to be there when we gather together or the fear that is instilled in me when I see a particular person. I really don't understand... I just don't get excited when people suggests reunion gatherings (though some people are exceptions).

For example. I had a really good group of friends during my senior year of high school... Had a lot of fun together. Even when we weren't doing anything it felt like just being with them was a productive thing. We were always there for each other and we made so many brilliant memories. But things happened when people started to mingle with each other within the group and things fell apart... They weren't able to fix everything so every time they see each other its like something's off. Something is not right. A knot forms in my stomach and I end up not being able to enjoy myself again. Then when college finally started, none of us really kept in touch with each other, we kind of drifted and formed new smaller groupings. Particular people would still be friends while others never came back. Maybe it's that or perhaps it's another cause for my dislike of reunion gatherings. The thing is, I just want people from high school to know that it's not that I don't want to see you or that I don't like you... Just I don't get too thrilled about these things. :/