Idiocy in the Form of ⓛⓞⓥⓔ

Dear Blog,

Sometimes... I wonder if it's really all right. Maybe she was right the whole time, and I was just in denial. Because no matter how much it hurt hearing it from other people, in the end it could've ended up being the truth. I've always been so folly and naive when it comes to things like 'love'. I'm not afraid to admit that I find myself trusting people too easily only because I believe in giving chances. I know I never learn my lesson, trust too easily and I'll end up getting hurt. My stubborn heart just won't give up, just like a dandelion fighting a battle against a gardener. The more you pull, I'll just come back stronger the second time around. Sometimes I really do wonder why I keep going after suffering heartache after heartache? Someone once warned me to never let the man know how much I love him, because I'll always end up being the one loving him more than he does to me. I think in my case, that's how it is. Maybe I shouldn't have told him. I should've just kept it to myself. Should've closed that mouth of mine and let it be buried deep in my heart. In the past few days, the more I do fall for him the more I want myself to fall out of love and just let it remain it the simple 'I like you' sort of feeling. She once told me, "Never tell him you love him, because he'll never be ready, it'll always be too early. Well, at least that's what he told me." The weird thing was, it was right after the day I told him. That time, I cried myself silly at work. I just wished that he had told me to my face. At least I wouldn't have had completely destroyed my dignity. T_T

I guess relationships are full of things that I don't really understand. No wonder some people are so wary of it. Because at first I didn't understand why someone would just give up so easily. I had always believed in getting back up after someone breaks your heart because you'll never know what else there is unless you keep trying. Maybe happiness is just around the corner. Because happiness is worth the pain. I know it's because of my own insecurities that I often ask him the question if he actually likes me, he would always just smile and answer 'yes'. When I tell him that 'I love you' he would always find something else to distract him from answering me and I would always find myself going along with him. At that point, it wouldn't have mattered. It's strange, when I fell in love... Even though I'm happy, anxiety and selfishness also naturally increase. Like now, I'm anxious that he hasn't answered me. There's a part of me that's sad because I feel like I'm so petty-minded... Getting upset over such a trivial thing. I tell people that I'm not bothered by it, when in truth I actually lied. Sorry guys. ( - 3-)" I'm really bothered by it. It's the only reason why I'm on short fuses with him all the time. I don't normally get upset so easily about... Everything. I get mad and start to say mean things and it makes me wonder if I've always had this kind of horrible personality. ): He's never once told me, and even though I never expect him to because it's such a small issue... Why is it that I feel like crying at the end?

Deep down, I know the answer. I'm a fool. In reality I'm the one that's blind to his love... He shows so much of his feelings without having to use those words, and yet... I was so worried. Just because he hasn't told me, it shouldn't matter. I already know his feelings. Yet, his word are definitely dangerous, his words that always seems to be gnawing gently at my heart... (◡‿◡)･✿.｡.:*.:｡✿*ﾟ

(I wonder if I'd be able to keep going knowing that's all there is...)

Well, that's it for now,

-`Tsuki

Valentine's Day

Dear Blog,

I would like to say that I'm living a rather happy life right now, although I'm struggling financially... It's fun. In a way I'm learning that life out the help of my parents. I'm hoping that I get past the next few months and I should be okay by summer. (: No more school tuition and all that stuff. I can just focus on work and maybe get a few days off to do my own things. I haven't realized that I'm perfectly content with my life at the moment. I'm happy overall, even though I get into my fair share of arguments with my cousin or my boyfriend, I still find it lively. Life is busy. Maybe so that I sometimes do think about the lazy summer days where I would just lie on the grass at a park with Allan, and together we'd watch the sky before us letting our thoughts mingle lightly in the buzzing air of summer passing us by. And I wonder if I'd be able to do that again, maybe watch the sun set as the twinkle of city lights begin to wash over a city one by one as night falls all around me. It's a simple wish, a wish for something that I once had, but lost it to Reality. :/ Mm, I guess it can't be helped right? Hahaha! Can't always get what you want all the time. :)

Even though that's true, come Valentine's day.... Sometimes, that rule just goes out the window. ;) Sometimes, just maybe... Happiness exists on the same plane as reality. For once, I was able to spend this Valentine's day with someone special. =D Tony, surprised me with tickets to watch Cirque du Soleil's: Kooza. It was a brilliant show, but they wouldn't allow us to take pictures so I can't post any up. Booo! ): Then after we ended up driving up to Irvine Spectrum. My first trip there and the place was gorgeous! With the Ferris Wheel and Merry-go-`Round. Mm, gotta go back there one of these days! Then went to Red Robin's to eat... My god, I ate so much that night. -_- I'm amazed at my own stomach power and those Endless Fries. D: *SIGH* Well, I'm starting to amp up my room to look more decent... I may be able to post a picture of it after I'm done. Hopefully it turns out all cute like the way I wanted it. (Even though I'm limited to what I can do since it's an apartment >_<). Okay, it's late.. And I'm sleepy... so I'm going to head to bed. (:

That's all for now,

`Tsuki

Old Town

Dear Blog,

Currently in Biology 110. I'm super tired these days, I suppose it's because I work so much and I go to school. When I'm not doing that I'm studying for my classes. It's like that's all I do with my life. Gets really depressing, you know? [Sigh]. But I had a good weekend with my baby. ♥♥

Well, the Norton Simon trip was super boring like I predicted. I had always had a strong dislike of standing around and just stare at paintings all day. It was just so dreary, especially without Tony there. ): My secret: I was so depressed, I wanted to cry. I felt like I was a kid and someone had just taken my candy by a or something. T_T" But it was a good thing that that trip wasn't that long before we got out. Afterwards, me and him explored the Asian art downstairs by ourselves... Not what I had expected since everything was from Southeast Asia. I was hoping for something much from Eastern- Chinese and Japanese art perhaps. =) Then we went to Old Town Pasadena and shopped around for a bit. It was nice walking around and just trying out new things with Tony :3 (Nom, nom, nom!). It was like everything was back to normal again. Back to the days where we would do something interesting every week. But I know there we're too busy to be doing things all the time, especially since I moved to a much more expensive apartment where we have to pay for everything. -_-x Mm, oh yeah... I remember that I was supposed to let the world know that Dylan has finally realized that Alice was his age. It was the most hilarious thing in the world! It was like he had the biggest epiphany of all time, as if Buddha himself has enlightened the boy with the idea that Alice was a `07ner. Hahahaha! In the Book of Dylan, history has been rewritten! :O *Applause*.

It's almost Valentines' day! I hope for all those couples out there that you'll be having a wonderful time with that special someone. =) Because I know I will be, and as for those who are sitting at home alone... Get up, and get out! Go do something daring! Don't sit at home and mope. Being single shouldn't be a bad thing, it's not like the whole world is based on the intellect that a woman must be with a man at all times. Learn to love being with yourself and learn to appreciate the time that you have in getting to be with different people. (: Being alone doesn't mean you have to be sad. Open your eyes, there's just so many possibilities and opportunities. Take it and do something with yourself! Learn, live, love~ Isn't that what they're always teaching us as school?! :D

[I'm seriously procrastinating like hell... Should be doing homework, so I'm going to get back to that!]

That's it for now,

`Tsuki

Did my nails for February ! ♥

H&M at Old Town Pasadena...?