Flipping through her diary, page by page, made my mind reel with thoughts. My hands trembled and my body shook with sadness, yet at the same time I wanted to laugh.
- - - - - - - - - - X
"Do not rush. Do not get greedy. Do not give up. Everybody takes a step at a time. You're not the only one that's hurting in the world. The ones that can not be understood and the ones that cannot understand are both to be pitied. If I were a flower, my life is yet to be born. This beginning of my youth with no regrets I will treasure it. Mom, within my heart, there's always you that has always believed in me. Please take care of me always. For always causing you to worry, I'm sorry.
I wonder why this illness chose me.. It simply cannot be chalked up to destiny. I want to invent a time machine to go back to the past, if I hadn't fallen ill I'm sure I would've been in love. I want to cling onto someone... So much that I can't stand it, I won't say that I want to go back to those days. I want to.. accept myself as I am... and live on. Although at times, I'm hurt by heartless stares, there are also times people look kindly upon me. Even so, I still want to be here. Because this is where I belong. So what if I fall? All I have to do is get back up again. If I look up at the sky as I fall, the blue sky is still vast, and smiling at me. People shouldn't live in the past. Just do what you can, and it'll be alright.
Mom... will I.. ever be able to marry?"
- Aya Kito, 1973
