字, 诗-

Crazy World

Have no idea how you got here
Not sure if I'm glad you are
Is this twisted feeling something to fear?
There's something about you
That makes you how you are
"Good bye and farewell"
Or that's what we wanted to do
We could never tell

He's not exactly in his right mind
But that's perfectly fine
Down to earth - yet insane
What it's worth... Hell, yeah - no one's the
same
Because of you
I've gone crazy too
In your crazy world

Talk about the things we don't know
Words that don't ever seem right
Play with my emotions
Strange how I find myself
Trying to hold on tight
Grab on to anything
When you let go of yourself
And lose your being in everything.

-Ashley Tran

Cute

You're too cute, with that loud laugh
And that lopsided grin and hands in pockets.
Your slouching poster and the way you move
Your hands about when you are excited and anxious.
You're unbearably adorable when you try and try so hard
To make sure everyone in the room knew you were there.
That personality that screams, "Yea I'm different, but lovable"
It's just painful to see you get brushed aside, despite your best efforts,
Despite what your personality screams at others, despite everything you do.
So I just turn my eyes away, because I hate to see you crash and burn.

But unknowing to you and unexpectedly to me
You crash and burn, in my heart of all places.
You crashed into it and burned my heart
And now, I see everything that I once saw as cute
As ordinary, common, and unspetacular.
Why?
Because it has occured to me that you also see me as
Ordinary, common, and unspetacular.

-LGP

[It's like they took the thoughts right out of my head and into these beautiful verses of poetry that expresses the very thoughts that I want to show him and the world.]

-Almost There-

"Book?" he said with a incredulous look on his face as his fingers played with the side of the door. I nodded and pushed my hair back that had flown in my face.
"Yes, a book." I replied looking up at him, his bright orange hair a mess from several times when he mussed them up, it was like seeing him waking up in the morning. His eyes narrowed for a second as he thought about it.
"Want me to take you?" he asked and I shook my head with a little smile. "Where is it?" and I pointed over my shoulders towards my right.
"Right there.. you know next door." I lied and he nodded. I hated lying to him, always made me feel uncomfortable and squirmy to be untruthful to him, but I couldn't tell him that it was actually somewhere else in a different plaza altogether. But I could manage, I didn't want him to waste time on me as he was doing something for himself for once.
"Don't go far ok? Be back quick." He told me sternly like a mother or something and inside my head, I laughed. I answered with a curt nod and turned my back on him and walked away not turning around for a second glance.

Even if it was because he was short on time... what really surprised me was the sound of concern that came with it when he said the last part, it completely took me off guard for a moment before I regained composure in my mind. I was happy to know that somewhere inside he cared, it was weird but it lighted my day even more to know that fact. He may not show it half the time but he seems to care, hahaha... Or maybe because he feared that I would run away again to places unknown like the last several times I was with him..(seeing him worried always struck me as weird). He doesn't like it when I pull those stunts and I don't really know why asides from voluntarily wanting to find me.. which is a waste of time because no matter what I can always find a way home. Also he seems to silently tell me that he dislikes my way of being alone.. I just noticed how many things I just seem to do that pisses him off! Imagine that! I was apparently pushing his buttons too without even noticing it. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I couldn't go inside because I would feel like puking if I was there to watch the careful process of choosing prom pictures it still pulls at the wound that's gently healing overtime. So I lied to make myself more comfortable and because I needed an excuse, I didn't really need a book.. I just had to find an escape before the bell jar comes crashing down again.

***
"Left!" she said loudly with an irritated voice and he changed lanes. I could feel the tension mounting in the car as we drove on and yet I couldn't do anything. The girl on my right was on the phone and talking bitterly into it, there was some complaints and there was some harsh comments thrown. Even then I knew that she was mad too, they all were.
"Fuck. Shut up!" he retorted angrily as he swerved left and all their weight was thrown against me. She pulled her arms across her chest and scowled out the window. She didn't have the right to yell at him like that I thought to myself, he was driving her not the other way around. She should've been more grateful that he was even driving as he was late to class as it is. As we arrived at the destination the girl hung up angrily and muttered something under her breath. After slammed doors and angry words the car drove on silently.
"What about you?"he asked looking at me from the rear view mirror, I glanced at him for a second before returning to look out the window mindlessly.
"I'll go with you to class, my mom will pick me up there." I said with a sweet smile, there it was again those impeccable lies that just seemed to spew out of my mouth. I really didn't want him to know that I was going to walk, a girl once told me that it made him felt like he was abandoning me or something like that. But he was late and again I could manage the distance. I didn't want him to get into anymore trouble because of us, it was the only reason I lied. Always for his sake, for he was always on my mind.
"Bye." he said softly and again I nodded as I stood waiting as if mom was actually coming to get me, once I saw him safely inside I ran as fast as I could turning only once to make sure he wasn't watching.

I can't tell you why, but I am happy even with him near me.. I am happy. I can see the bond that's formed between me and him, the secret life that only we two know. A bond that is thicker than blood and skin and that takes understanding and trust.. I did it. I finally won his trust, maybe that's why I'm so happy to be with him.. I understand.

-Eternal Bliss-

'SWOOSH' The paper ball missed the trashcan and hit the rim and disappeared behind the foot of the boss that was standing near the doorway talking to the chef.
"You missed Dennis! I get to punch you in the stomach!" Alissa yelled flinging her fist at Dennis who started to scream and cower himself in the corner of the cash register.
"Gimme another chance! No one saw that I missed the trash can!" Dennis yelled throwing up his arms in protection. They all laughed and the air filled with this invisible happiness that seemed to flow right to my heart, silently and embracing.
So that was how my day began to shift again, I saw what I could have if I decide to just be with different people and that I shouldn't try so hard to make things alright because in the long run.. everything will fix itself.. it just takes time. ^^ Moreover I saw who I once was, that girl that didn't care what others had to say, the girl that laughed all her troubles away with a quick smile.. I was her again: My old self. I loved her every bit.. she felt like the sun shining out her happiness and all it took was just being with other people that were happy to be here. Now. I swear my cousin, Alissa, and Mr. Dennis were the happiest bunch of people I've ever met next to Allan, my dear sweetie. You can literally see the happiness radiating from their bodies, at first I glared into their brightness when they extended their hand and introduced themselves with this stupid smile on their face.. but it was contagious as the black world I was so use to faded away and the bell jar seemed to lift itself and I was free even if it is still suspended in midair above my head.. I was for once free again. I laughed so loudly that I couldn't remember the last time I actually laughed out loud like that. They were mere strangers that I saw walking in the hallway at school, but today for two hours I felt like I was part of humanity that seemed to exist beyond my reach but somehow I was there. This euphoric feeling is incredible and I love it, only thing is I have to give up something that's pretty much very important to have my happiness.

Life seems so bright!