-Written in Ink-

Just came out of the shower, had decided I was going to do homework, but a strange idea came over me for a new panel for a new manga series. I had to draw it down so I spent the alst two hours drawing the scene down in a small thumbnail format, went back online to look for reference but only ended up rereading B.O.D.Y. (<--- was using that story as reference). Excellent story I must say,but too bad it never updates. As for my weekend, I was only able to finish one period worth of homework... I didn't get stats so I was pushing it back and now look it's 10 pm and I still haven't started. Fuck my life! It's going to take a while since it's a lab and a homework sheet, to say the least, I had four days to do it -_-. I really hate myself sometimes.

Spent the majority of sunday reading 'That's not what I mean , Darling!' or something like that... I thought it was that title, but now as I type it out, I don't remember it being so long. >.> I wish blogger had emotioncons. LAWLS like gaia. ;) then I can be all facial expression-ish. I like making faces... T_T

-Admissions and More-

Working on the second collection to the 'Alice in Wonderland' cards, almost done. Hooray! College admissions came out and well it's got people down in the dumps. Yes. I've been rejected to all the UC schools that I've applied to so far. I had mentally prepared myself for it in the beginning so it wouldn't make me all depressed and stuff. Well it seems that it still jabbed at my pride a little when I read those first couple of words in that letter T_T. Guess I'm not as neutral as I want to be. It's not a total bad thing, now is it? As for this year coming by, there's only about 50 days before graduation and it's safe to say that I've made up my mind. I'm allowing myself to let go, (I had this emotional attachment to my friends here in DB, but I couldn't bring myself to tell my GLC that that was the reason why I chose not to go that far -_-). I think I might as well just end up at Stockton, though that school is seriously too suburban for me! Makes me want to pull out my hair whenever I think about it. D: Roar. Enough about school... Makes me all frustrated every time it pops into my head. ):

Mmmm. Gotten really lazy lated... I think my senioritis is kicking into full drive, though I'm still planning to study and get better grades for the second semester. Haven't gone out since mother still has to get the car fixed, she finally called AAA to tow the broken down car to get it fixed. I hope it's soon because I want to drive out by the time grad night comes.

I just noticed something. When I take a shower I tend to evaluate what I've done so far in my life and I usually get these little epiphanies when I finish taking one. I had one yesterday, but I can't remember what it was... I should really write these down. ): I think that way at least I know something more about what I've come to realize and they're usually not that bad of epiphanies. Oh my, I remembered what the epiphany from last night was! I don't think I'm going to write it down for this one, everyone should know it by now. Hopefully that is. Well, that's it for now, ciao~!

Things I want to do: Drink a cold glass of milk after a steaming hot shower.

-A Day in Wonderment-

Mmm, so I'm jotting down a few things before I go to sleep. (Guess I'm not finishing that Alice in Wonderland card I was working on for 5 hours... T_T the internet can be such a distraction. Boo) So I tried the story style for a while and well, surely, as anyone who knows me... I just bored and it takes too long. Much more fun when you can just type up anything you want rather than writing down the whole day in story format.. At the moment I just don't have that kind of time... What with my procrastination and stuff (yes, I still do have English and stats... [*cry*]).

So I was at the museum earlier this week and I saw this man. He patrols one of the lobbies that we were in at the moment, (you know those people that make sure your 'naturally oily' hands don't touch the paintings and makes sure you don't get within three feet of the piece of art work). I see him standing there and I'm just staring at him, thinking to myself, "I wonder if he gets tired and tries to lean against the wall?" because I know that leaning against the wall is prohibited. I started to bend my legs because they were starting to ache from standing there all day and listening to the docent talk about St. Francisco or Fransesca or whatever his name was in that one painting called: Madonna Enthroned around St. Matthew. The next second the man yawns and starts to bend his legs in a mocking gesture like mine. It was a weird moment, I knew he wanted to lean against the wall, he just never did. ): What a disappointment.

I found out I had an orange color personality... I've listed them on the bottom of my blog, we can see what my weaknesses are. ;) Well that's all for now. Ciao, my loves! <3

-Poker Face-

The air is tense with pressure and anxiety, swift glances to the guy or girl sitting next to you is being exchanged, each and everyone is suspicious of each other. Sabrina and Alvin has long since folded in this close game of poker, knowing well that they couldn't beat what both Jack and Gavin has in their hands. Matt sits quietly behind them with his pencil thrumming and laptop humming, but his attention is focused on what the two boys will throw down. The cards are one king and a, 3 7,8, and 6. The stakes has been raised to 60 pushups, Jack seems confident with Gavin following up with his own cards in hand. Sabrina watches with quirked brows, she's skeptical of Gavin's cards, he's been on a losing streak since the games has started.

I, as the dealer, look at both of them and ask if they wanted to raise anymore or check, they shake their heads at raising and mouths to me to check. I glance at them once more before flipping a card down, then flipped a second card face up. Gavin hisses a 'yes' under his breath when he throws down his one king. He has a pair of kings it meant, the cards were pretty high, but Jack only grinned and threw down his TWO kings.

A roar of laughter and 'no!' reverberates within Starbucks, the workers just smile at us and shakes their head. Gavin had lost this one last and final game and the punishment was 60 pushups. Me and Sabrina laughed until our stomach were in stitches, poor Gavin, he was so confident and yet he was beaten by just one card. Not only that, but now he was 60 pushups in debt. We watched in amusement as Gavin hits the floor and begin the rigorous punishment. Sabrina's phone vibrates and Jack's phone ring, there were murmur of 'hellos' before she started texting and he speaking. A minute passes and Jack hangs up and stands, we didn't have to wait for Justin, we were going to head over to Saigon first.

The noodle house sits quietly in the busy streets of Diamond Bar, we open the door and the sweet aroma of Viet noodles come wafting into our nostrils. We all smile and pile into the warm restaurant requesting a table of 6. Me and Alvin both ordered a normal beef noodle while Sabrina and Gavin shared a plate of spring rolls and fried dumplings. Jack drank his large bowl of beef soup, and Matt sat diligently with his homework in front of him. As we ate we watched the Lakers play against the Jazz, it was a close run and the game was getting intense. Too bad we finished and had to hurry over to Jack's house to finish watching the rest of the game.

Lakers lost, but they played a really tight game tonight. The house had gotten quiet after Matt and the others left for home. As I walked out towards the car, rain began to fall in drizzling sheets as I stared out at the dark sky. Today was off from normal, today I had hung out with a bunch of people I rarely did, people that I knew but had always passed by them with a smile. Somehow, at that moment, I felt an elated feeling in my stomach fluttering against my insides.

-Posts and Chocolate-

-My fingers are cold and numb from the sudden drop of the temperature, the weather has been fluctuating none stop for the last week. It's getting quite irritating, really. I've put extra mattresses onto the bed for extra warmth at night, since the heater dries out my throat leaving me sore the next morning. Trust me, it gets colder in the morning as I wake for zero period and drag myself to class.

I'm trying my best to type out these words without failing to miss the keyboard from the numbness that's crawling into the whole of my hand. Gentle words of the 'Requiem' flows into my ears from the mp3 that sits next to me in its blinking glory telling me that it needs to be charged from being used too often. I ignore the signal for now, as my attention is drawn over the screen, I had to write it down so I can remember.

The voices outside is drowned out with the door closing, meaning dinner is finally over. The people and guests were leaving, while I'm sitting here and leafing through old posts. It's really strange you know, to watch yourself fall from the edge of the cliff and thrash in the waters below. It's frightening and all the same very amusing. That's the feeling I get when I go through all my older posts in this blog, I guess I stopped because I didn't want to remember all those horrible times that I went through. I was so stupid and blinded back then that I allowed myself to fall short of what I really deserved. It was like I was a complete different person from the one that's typing this right now, my mind is blank and silent from all the words that's already been typed.

I had thought about deleting all the older posts that reminded me of the past and start anew, but I couldn't bring myself to throw away all those feelings that's been written down here in this blog, so for now I'm leaving it as it is. (I'd probably get rid of my otaku moment one though... T_T).

I'm not going to let myself slip through the chances anymore, this is my life and there's no one that can tell me how to live it. But still, the pressure of college acceptance is riding on my back. I didn't even make it to Cal Poly... because my math score for SATs weren't high enough! Dear lord, what am I suppose to tell my mom? She's going to freak- I mean if I can't even pass Cal Poly how the HELL am I suppose to get into the UC schools?! DDD; I'm so dead.

Warmth and feeling is flowing back into my hands, grandma must've turned on the heater... Which mean a dry throat for me in the morning. Oh well, I'll live. I've decided for now that's all that I have to write down, my thoughts are done for the night. I'm glad that there's place where I can structure my thoughts for the day. No wonder I had come to like blogging so much. I swirl the chocolate in my mouth, the little square piece of candy made out of cocoa. Delicious. (:

(Forgot to mention that Paul is a cutey from class, :]. Why is he so adorable? I don't know, maybe it's his eyes.)

-Ice Cream-

The sky was darkening with the sun disappearing behind the mountain scape, the air was starting to cool down from the summer heat. The voices of children died off, it was just me and couple of friends that sat on the little plastic chairs that hung high in the air. We all gazed upon the color changing skies as if it were a magical spectacular show dancing before us, it really was a beauty. Words wouldn't be able to capture the true essences of the scene that day, if I could describe it in one word I wouldn't be able to. There was a saddening overall feeling to that moment as we watched the last bit of the sun tip its way past the mountain and vanish, just like that.

All was quiet.

Then in the midst of the park that we sat in a soft twinkling melody drifted its way up the second level park on pathfinder through the wind passage. At first, it was dim and not really noticeable, but soon it was loud enough for us to recognize it as an ice cream truck's jingling music. One that we hear often when we were younger, we hadn't seen one since we were in grade school. We all glanced at each other with perplexity, even at this time of year it was a bit early for ice cream, even though socal was known for their early hot weathers. Plus, out of all the times that it should be here, this was the first encounter in years. So of course, we all rushed down the plastic ropes and ran forward with our money out.

The cool taste of vanilla and chocolate drifted its way down my throat with a satisfying taste, it made my lips tingle with a soft sensation that undeniably marked a smile on my face. We had all climbed back onto the the little seats in the air licking our newly bought popsicles in hand, continuing our lingering gaze in the never-ending sky.

-Awakening-

Flipping through her diary, page by page, made my mind reel with thoughts. My hands trembled and my body shook with sadness, yet at the same time I wanted to laugh.

- - - - - - - - - - X

"Do not rush. Do not get greedy. Do not give up. Everybody takes a step at a time. You're not the only one that's hurting in the world. The ones that can not be understood and the ones that cannot understand are both to be pitied. If I were a flower, my life is yet to be born. This beginning of my youth with no regrets I will treasure it. Mom, within my heart, there's always you that has always believed in me. Please take care of me always. For always causing you to worry, I'm sorry.

I wonder why this illness chose me.. It simply cannot be chalked up to destiny. I want to invent a time machine to go back to the past, if I hadn't fallen ill I'm sure I would've been in love. I want to cling onto someone... So much that I can't stand it, I won't say that I want to go back to those days. I want to.. accept myself as I am... and live on. Although at times, I'm hurt by heartless stares, there are also times people look kindly upon me. Even so, I still want to be here. Because this is where I belong. So what if I fall? All I have to do is get back up again. If I look up at the sky as I fall, the blue sky is still vast, and smiling at me. People shouldn't live in the past. Just do what you can, and it'll be alright.

Mom... will I.. ever be able to marry?"

- Aya Kito, 1973